Seemed like all our favorite Upper East Siders woke up in pretty odd places this week. First Lily woke up next to, um, Rufus! On her wedding day to, um, Bart! And then Blair was awoken in the arms of Chuck in her bed! He said they had fallen asleep while trying to scheme against Georgina and when the floor got too uncomfortable he got on the bed (sneaky dog!). And last but certainly not least, Georgina woke up…in the Humphrey loft. WTF! The only person who didn’t awaken to find themselves in a compromising position was Serena. But that’s probably because she didn’t even go to sleep. Serena called Dan all night but was left with his voicemail each time. She finally decided to go over to Brooklyn to talk to him face to face (and to see if he was alone or with you know who). Unfortunately, when Serena got there she was faced with the daunting truth. Standing in the flesh in the Humphrey living room was Georgina (in last night’s clothes!). She played innocent as Serena started yelling at her. This was exactly what Georgina had planned all along. Dan was still confused. As Georgina made her way to the door, Serena called her a manipulative, psycho bitch (which is putting it nicely. I would have said much, much worse). When Georgina was finally out of the loft, Serena started telling Dan everything.

Dan took it pretty well. I mean that was sort of a lot of information to take in. Being able to admit, “Hey, I thought I killed a guy, and I’m being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else” isn’t really all that easy. Serena wanted to put everything behind them. They could fix the damage. And Serena was determined not to even think about why Georgina was sleeping at Dan’s. She was probably just hanging with Dan and Vanessa and it got late and they fell asleep. Right?

Dan Humphrey definitely had been spending too much time around Blair Waldorf because omg he decided to get revenge on Georgina. He enlisted Blair’s help. Regrettably, Chuck was busy with his Best Man speech so he left Blair to do the dirty work. But alas, Blair Waldorf is the queen of vengeance (beware!). And of course, Blair knew exactly what to do. She had Dan call Georgina. When he got her voicemail, Dan left Georgina a message saying that after she left he and Serena got into a huge fight and he just really wanted to see her. Blair was impressed. Humphrey was actually kind of good. And sure enough, Georgina called right back. Dan told her the night before really changed things for him. Could they meet later? Georgina was ecstatic. Of course, they could meet. It seemed that for Georgina, she was winning the battle. Too bad for her, Blair Waldorf was now involved which meant the war had only just begun.

Dan and Georgina met at their spot in the Park. Everything was going swimmingly well. Until, Dan dropped the bomb: Serena had told him everything and he believed her. Georgina was taken aback. Serena was a liar! Georgina could not believe this. Was Dan just going to go back to Serena and leave her all alone? And that’s when Blair stepped in…with Georgina’s extremely unhappy parents. See, Georgina, you’re not totally alone. Her parents were livid. She had ditched rehab and sold her show pony for drugs. There was only place for Georgina to go: reform school. Didn’t you hear, Georgina? The Upper East Side only has room for one crazy bitch and that title belongs to Blair Waldorf. Goodbye, Georgina!

Meanwhile, today was Lily’s wedding day! On what should have been the best day of her life, things weren’t going as planned. I mean, waking up next to the former love of your life who you’re not getting married to is kind of awkward. To make matters worse, while with Rufus Lily received a call from Bart asking to meet her somewhere. When Lily got to the address, it was a building she didn’t know. Bart was waiting for her inside. He told her that this was the first place he had ever bought. Bart liked to come back to the building to remind himself of how he felt the first time he saw it. Though, now he’s gotten older and doesn’t really have a purpose for the building anymore. Bart asked Lily what she thought he should do with it. Lily was speechless. She knew exactly what this all meant. She told Bart should get rid of it. And that’s when Lily knew exactly what she needed to do with Rufus too.

Rufus was seriously having the best 24 hours ever. His gig the night before was so successful that he was approached to go on a summer tour with The Breeders (I iTunesed their music and totally have heard their songs. Go Rufus!). Oh, and also he just had sex with Lily van der Woodsen. Sadly, Dan reminded his dad that Lily was getting married that day to Bart. He also told his dad that Serena had something to him earlier in the day. She said that the reason Lily didn’t run off with Rufus was because Serena asked her not to. Rufus smiled and finally got it.

The wedding of the century was still taking place. Everyone showed up at the Cooper Hewitt in their finest spring getups. Some of the more surprising guests: Vanessa (as Nate’s guest!), the Captain (fresh out of rehab) and OMFG, Rufus (the ultimate wedding crasher)! Rufus busted into the bridal chamber to see Lily. He said he could call off the wedding. The two of them could make it work. Lily wasn’t as sure. She loved Bart. Rufus reminded her of what they had twenty years earlier and Lily couldn’t help but reminisce. And when we all thought Lily was going to ditch Bart at the altar, these former lovebirds made a surprising decision. Lily and Rufus decided to part ways for good. They told each other they loved one another and Rufus kissed Lily goodbye. Then, he left her ready to walk down the aisle to marry Bart once and for all.

All the while, Chuck and Nate were still at odds. No matter what Chuck tried to do to reconcile with his old friend, nothing seemed to work. Luckily for Nate, Chuck still had his back. When Chuck saw the Captain doing suspicious stuff, he investigated further. Chuck caught the Captain exchanging money for something outside the wedding. It looked like drugs. Was the Captain using again? When Chuck received word that the Captain was leaving the wedding, he went straight to Nate to tell him what he saw earlier. But Nate didn’t believe him. His dad was clean. Chuck told him that he knew Nate hated him. He was in love with Blair, and he was sorry. But right now there wasn’t time to argue about this. And sure enough, when Nate went outside, he saw his dad getting a limo. Nate banged on the windows and demanded his dad to come out. The Captain emerged from the limo and told Nate he was skipping town. He had left him a note at home. Nate assured him they would get him help if he was still doing drugs but the Captain told him he actually was sober. He needed to leave the country because he was guilty and facing 25 years in jail. Nate’s mom was paying for the plane to get him out of the US. The Captain told Nate he needed him to step up and be a man but Nate didn’t want to hear any of it. He was done with his father. When the Captain went to put his hand on his shoulder, Nate lost it and punched him! In the face! Way crazy. As the Captain drove off to hop a plane and Roman Polanski it up, Nate approached Chuck and thanked him. Seemed like these former feuding friends were pals once again.

When it was time for the Best Man speech everyone was a bit nervous. It was Chuck’s turn to shine (and everyone was way scared to hear what he could say, I mean, it’s Chuck Bass). Surprisingly, the speech was very sincere. This was so unlike Chuck. Chuck began reading from his index cards but soon put them down and started reading from his heart. He said that in the face of true love you don’t give up. And who was he staring at when he said this all: Blair!! OMG! Blair was truly touched. When the two met up on the dance floor, Chuck apologized to her for all the stuff that happened between them. Chuck told her she didn’t belong with Nate and she told him he didn’t belong with anyone and then they kissed. And kept kissing. So hot!

While some people were getting together, others were breaking apart. Even though Serena and Dan had tried to patch things up earlier in the day both were still having problems with it. Serena really didn’t want to break up with Dan but Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay with Serena. Turned out, while Dan and Whore-gina didn’t have sex, Dan admitted: “they might as well have.” Serena was heartbroken but Dan was even more upset. Serena lied to him. She practically let him get seduced by a girl she knew to be a fake and crazy. Dan was the most understanding boyfriend ever, Serena could have told him the truth. Guess they were back to where they were at Bart Bass’ brunch; Serena wasn’t who Dan thought she was and he couldn’t forgive her. They told each other to have a good summer and they’d seen one another at school in the fall. Looked like it was over for our favorite couple. Wah.

One week later, everyone was beginning their summers. Rufus was on tour with The Breeders (seriously, download them, I’m totally digging it) while Jenny received a letter informing her whether or not she got a summer fashion internship. She ripped open the letter and luckily got a gig at none other than, wait for it, Eleanor Waldorf Designs. Yep, a whole summer working for Blair’s mom - awesome, really awesome.

Jenny wasn’t the only person hanging around New York City for the summer. Dan and Vanessa were also going to be there. And both were going to deal with being single. Thankfully they had each other. Vanessa and Nate didn’t work out in the end (so sad…um jk!). This meant Vanessa could be by Dan’s newly single side. Aw, sweet. It seemed like these two were going to spend the summer being the best of friends just like they used to be.

Nate was getting out of the city for the summer. He was heading to the Hamptons. Serena was going there too. She was planning on spending the break being a good girl. Days on the beach reading Nicholas Sparks novels and nights locked up avoiding the opposite sex. Serena was going to reflect this summer. Nate said he was going to do the same. Maybe they could reflect together?

Blair was going to France for the summer to be with her father and Roman. But first she was going on a weeklong trip to Tuscany. With Chuck! The two were flying on Bart’s private jet there. So romantic. Blair said Chuck brought out the worst in her and surprisingly she brought out the best in him.

While Chuck packed, Bart came into his room. He told Chuck he was very proud of him. Bart was happy that he was deciding to be with Blair and only Blair. It would be good for him. It was a grown up decision and he would learn from it; come back this summer a new man. And that’s when Chuck freaked out. What’s Chuck Bass without an abundance of booze, money and most importantly, girls?

Blair showed up to the heliport to take the helicopter to Teterborough to begin their week of romance, but Chuck wasn’t there just yet. Luckily, Blair wasn’t alone. A guy named Ben approached her. He worked for Bart and was going to Italy for a business meeting so he too would be on the private jet. Blair received a text from Chuck saying he would meet her in Italy. She should go on without him. Blair shrugged. What’s ten hours? Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Throwing the nice words his father just gave him into the garbage along with the roses he bought for Blair, Chuck went back to his old ways immediately. He met Amelia, the Bass’ new interior designer and immediately took a liking to her (she was cute and blonde, what’s not to like?). Seemed like Chuck Bass, like a leopard, can’t change his spots. Chuck Bass was Chuck Bass and even Blair Waldorf couldn’t change that.

Will Chuck Bass ever show in Italy? Will Blair forgive him for standing her up? Will Serena stay true to her vow of chastity? Will Nate make peace with his family? Will Vanessa get sick of the sound of Dan’s voice? Will Jenny once again obey the strict demands of a Waldorf? Ah, so many questions we need the answers to. Luckily for all of you, Gossip Girl doesn’t go on a summer break. Though, I too along with our UES favorites, will be vacationing in the Hamptons as well as sunning in a private villa on the beaches of Capri. But just because the summer begins doesn’t mean the gossip stops. In fact, I find the heat always makes people do scandalous things. Fortunately, I’ll keep bringing you the latest and the greatest (with lots of thanks to my wonderful informants around the world). We’ll have our ears open and our eyes peeled to catch our sinners in the act and you can be assured when we find them I will write about it. That’s just how I am. Grab your shades and your sunblock. I hear this summer’s going to be a scorcher. You know you love me.

xo xo Gossip Girl | 322 Comments »

Whoa. That’s all I can say. Let’s take a moment to stop and reflect…

Okay. Wow. I don’t even know where to begin. I really don’t. Hmm…well, when I said I loved old Serena and wanted to see her back I wasn’t expecting that. Now, I love a party girl as much as the next but when Serena parties she takes it to a whole new level. She makes Amy Winehouse look like Emma Roberts. The night before was pretty chilly with Serena coming to Blair’s house and admitting those words: “I killed someone”. But it turns out, when Blair went upstairs to get one of her mother’s valiums to help calm Serena down, Serena vanished. Blair tried desperately to find her but she wasn’t answering her phone and it seemed every time Blair called one of Serena’s old stomping grounds she had just missed her.

Blair wasn’t the only one worried for Serena. Dan had been searching for her all morning. He was intent on making up with her after their tiff the night before. Dan even turned to Chuck for help (hell officially had frozen over). Dan went to the Palace to see if maybe Chuck had any idea where Serena could be. Of course, Chuck was little help. When Chuck received a call in front of Dan and told the person on the other end that Serena hadn’t come home all night, Dan became even more suspicious. While pacing outside the Palace, Dan bumped into “Sarah” or rather, Georgina, no wait she’s “Sarah” to Dan. It’s hard to keep track if she’s being crazy or crazier. “Sarah” played coy and said she had a friend from Portland staying at the Palace. But we all knew she was waiting as well for Serena. Serena and Georgina needed to hang out because that’s what friends do and they’re friends. When Dan’s phone finally rang it was Serena’s name on the caller ID. Finally! But when he answered it, Dan was taken aback. Instead of it being Serena it was some dude, a bartender actually. He said he found Serena’s phone and Dan’s number was the 1^st one on speed dial. Her phone had been ringing off the hook. Dan asked where Serena was and the guy said “no clue. But she did leave with three guys around 2am.” Slut! Dan was heartbroken.

Upstairs at The Palace, Lily was in the midst of wedding mayhem. Not only was her wedding only hours away but she also had to do an interview for Rolling Stone. And what were the questions mostly about? Oh, her little romance with Lincoln Hawk front man, Rufus Humphrey. Lily felt uncomfortable about the interrogation. She only wanted to speak about her photographs not her love life. This was Rolling Stone not Us Weekly. Luckily Dan saved her by interrupting. He asked Lily if she had seen Serena. Lily told him Charles had just left to go get her at Blair’s. Damn it, “Charles” lol!

Blair called in her troops, or rather Chuck and Nate, to help her. She had found Serena and the outlook was pretty gloomy. Serena was a mess, but luckily her old friends knew how to deal with her. The fab four definitely seemed to have a routine down with handling a wasted Serena. They looked to actually be doing a good job, until Dan crashed the sobering up party. At first Dan was turned away. Blair, Nate and Chuck all told him the same thing: Serena didn’t want to see him. Dan was beyond confused. Who the hell were the three dysfunctional Musketeers to block him from his girlfriend? Serena came downstairs and confronted Dan. He begged her to be honest with him. I mean, hello he was the best boyfriend ever. He’d understand anything. But Serena wasn’t budging. Instead she admitted that she slept with someone else the night before. And when Dan’s heart couldn’t be torn apart even more it was. He was done with it all and walked out right there. And that’s when, Serena finally broke down.

Serena’s friends quickly came to her aid. Though they also wanted to know what was going on in Serena’s head. Did she really cheat on Dan? Serena said she didn’t. They were all confused. If Serena didn’t cheat on Dan why couldn’t she just tell him the truth? Serena said what she had done was so awful that Dan could never, ever find out. The friends urged her to shoot. Serena could tell them anything. Come on, they’d seen Serena with puke in her hair, making out with random people in bar bathrooms, plus they’d done pretty horrible acts themselves. They were like the non-judging Breakfast Club. And finally, Serena told them the truth.

So remember that night last year when Serena and Nate did it on the bar? I mean, how could we forget? Well, apparently the even juicier stuff happened afterwards. Serena felt so bad for sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend (as she should!) that she fled the Campbell Apartment right after it happened. She went to a hotel where Georgina was. When she got there Georgina was with their dealer, Pete, ready to party, but Serena was no fun. She was so sickened by what she had just done. Unbeknownst to Serena, Georgina had set up a video camera in hopes of making a “genuine Serena van der Woodsen sex tape.” Pete tried to make the moves on Serena but she wasn’t feeling it. Instead, she suggested they do a line. Pete took the first bump. Unfortunately, that would be his last bump. All of a sudden, he started convulsing. Serena was shocked. She called for Georgina and the two panicked. When Serena went to grab the hotel phone to call 911, Georgina said not to. There were drugs and alcohol everywhere and they were underage. Serena couldn’t just let Pete seize like that so she grabbed his cell and called for help. The girls ran out of the hotel and decided it’d be best if they split up. Being the actual good person she is, Serena stuck around to see if Pete was okay. As she waited outside the hotel, there were tons of paramedics everywhere. And then she saw the worst thing ever: a body bag getting wheeled out on a stretcher. Omfg! Pete was dead. And soon enough, Serena was on the next train to Connecticut for boarding school.

Blair, Nate and Chuck were stunned by Serena’s confession. Serena pleaded with them not to tell a soul. They agreed they wouldn’t. Unfortunately, Dorota, Blair’s housekeeper, wasn’t as clueless as we all thought. After seeing the kids taking care of a hazy Serena, she called Lily to tell her that her daughter was on drugs. She seemed like her old self. Furious, Lily went on a rampage in Serena’s room determined to find out if her daughter was back to her old habits. Instead of finding drugs, Lily found something almost as worse (or just as worse, I’m not sure): the tape Georgina made of Serena that night. Lily put it in and watched the part where Serena and Pete began to make out. She quickly closed the computer, unable to stomach the rest. Lily was furious. How did her daughter turn into Kim Kardashian?

When Serena finally cleaned herself up and came to the rehearsal dinner, Lily gave it to her. She could not believe Serena had reverted back to “old Serena.” Lily was fed up. What else could she do? Serena had to go to reformatory school. Serena didn’t even put up a fight and accepted her mother’s punishment. Um, WTF? But Blair wasn’t going to let the soon to be Mrs. Bass send Serena away that fast. She confronted Lily and told her that Serena was hurting. Lily needed to intervene and help her daughter since she didn’t even know the half of it. Blair told Lily what really happened and Lily was once again stunned. Geez, this was a lot to take in. Especially at her rehearsal dinner! Lily grabbed Serena and told her they were going somewhere. With the help of Chuck, Lily had the address of Pete’s family and was taking Serena there so she could tell them what really happened that night.

Meanwhile at the concert, Dan was hanging out with “Sarah”. She had called him at the exact right time: just after he left Blair’s. “Sarah” finagled her way into getting invited to be Dan’s date to the show. And boy, was she loving Dan’s attention. Though, she had a near discovery when some random girl started calling her name. No, not “Sarah” but GEORGINA! She played it cool and pretended the girl had the wrong person. Dan was sort of confused. Huh?

Vanessa was also at the show because she was Rufus’ roadie. Luckily the night wasn’t going to be all work. She had a date too. Um, working and going on a date at the same time? Not all that professional, but when your date is Nate Archibald who the f cares? Nate was supposed to come to the show and hang out with her while she played with lights and thingys. So cute. He was running a little late and called to tell her so. What a gentleman. Vanessa mentioned “Sarah” was at the concert as well and suddenly it clicked for Nate. He told her that “Sarah” wasn’t her real name. She was actually named Georgina and Serena had just told them all a pretty crazy story about her. Nate said to keep her at the concert; he’d be there soon. Vanessa was skeptical. This all just sounded way too weird. These Upper East Side kids were kind of crazy.

After Serena talked to the family all she wanted to do was to go to Dan and tell him everything. Lily agreed and took her to the concert. Yep, the one that Lincoln Hawk was performing at. And yep, Rufus was going to be there, obviously! Nate was on his way to the concert (which was FYI, in Queens, gross) as well when he called Blair to tell her Georgina was there too. Blair was elated to find out Georgina’s location. And who did she share this information with? Why, her partner in crime, Chuck Bass, of course. Good to see that even though these two don’t really like each other they still like to scheme. Blair and Chuck agreed it was time for the bitch to get what was coming to her. Watch out, Georgina.

Being the yenta she is, Vanessa had to investigate Nate’s claims about “Sarah.” While Dan was backstage, Vanessa confronted “Sarah”. She asked her if there was anything she needed to tell her. “Sarah” said no and then Vanessa busted out with, “really? Georgina?” “Sarah”’s face went white. Vanessa then told her that Nate had just called her and said that Serena recounted a pretty crazy story about her. Georgina was shocked and ran away (what a wimp!) Dan came back over to Vanessa and she told him what just happened. Now Dan was beyond bewildered. What the hell was going on?

Soon after, Dan found a crying Georgina in a corner (while Lisa Loeb was performing, no less). She told him a sob story about how she had some jealous boyfriend who was obsessed with her, blah, blah, blah, bitch is crazy. And Dan fell for it. He’s just too good. Ugh. Georgina confessed to him that she was falling for him. Dan was taken aback and then he did something that was so unlike Dan Humphrey. He said they should get out of there and with that she took his hand and they were off.

About 2.5 seconds later, Serena showed up looking for Dan. Blair, Chuck and Nate arrived too. Vanessa told them that Georgina had left but Dan was still around somewhere. Serena was so relieved and she and Blair went off to find him. Then, Nate and Vanessa walked off to have a real date (aw, cute) leaving Chuck to enjoy the early ‘90s rock all by himself.

Rufus took the stage and started performing one of his two hit wonders, “Everytime.” Um, do I have to get my eyes checked or is Rufus kind of really hot? Well, anyways as he performed guess who walked in and stood to the side watching? Lily! She didn’t throw her bra on the stage like the old times or put up a lighter, but she did watch him sing. Their eyes met and Rufus was transfixed on her. Lily walked out right as the song was ending and as soon as Rufus played his last chord he went chasing after her. Lily began walking to the car but Rufus blocked her. She told him to get out of her way but Rufus wouldn’t budge. So Lily did the unbelievable and kissed him! Like long and hard! Can someone open a window or something? Because for two old people that was way hot.

Serena searched furiously around the studio for Dan with no luck. When Blair’s phone rang and it said Humphrey was calling, Serena was so excited. She grabbed the phone to talk to her amazing boyfriend and omg, Georgina was on the other end! Serena was shocked. Georgina told her that she heard Serena had told their little secret. If that was the way Serena wanted to play it, then that would be how they’d play it. And it wasn’t about what Georgina was going to do but rather who! Serena said Dan was too good. He would never. Georgina laughed and asked if she was really certain of that. Georgina hung up (and pocketed Dan’s battery, hello crazy) as Dan brought her coffee. The two sat down on a front stoop and began talking and then OMG, Georgina kissed Dan! BITCH! But OMG, he then kissed her back! And the two went off to God knows where.

Um…what is Dan doing?? And why is he falling for Georgina’s crazy act? It makes me so mad. Sure, Georgina generates a ton of gossip and I should love her for that but really. She is starting to really piss me off. Dan might be from Brooklyn and a total loser but he and Serena are actually good together and, well, this just makes me very upset. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Blair and Chuck do something good. It’d be nice to have our resident plotters back in action and ready to make Georgina’s life hell. There’s nothing Gossip Girl loves more than sweet revenge.

xo xo Gossip Girl | 133 Comments »

My inbox has been overflowing this past week. From vicious, fabricated rumors to high school outings, this has been a very busy few days. And of course, it’s the kind of stuff I live for. What would I do without such scandalous happenings? I guess, I’d probably be off watching The Hills and reading CosmoGirl (thank god I am super occupied).

So where to begin…hmm, how about little Jenny Humphrey? She truly thought she had found her Prince Charming in Asher Hornsby. I mean, he was hot, rich and seemed totally into Jenny. Asher was even letting Jenny host a special party at his townhouse. This was everything Jenny had dreamed of: a fabulous soiree on the Upper East Side with the finest people in the city in the most beautiful apartment hosted by Jenny herself. She was ecstatic. This was going to be best night ever. Unfortunately not everyone was looking forward to the party (she made sure Blair Waldorf was not on the guest list – burn!). Also, not everyone shared Jenny’s enthusiasm for her new relationship. For starters, Eric van der Woodsen confronted Jenny asking if she thought Asher was really the right guy for her. Jenny blushed. Aw, Eric must have liked her. He’s too nice. Jenny told him her heart belonged to Asher, but it’s totally cute that he crushed her. Then there was also Jenny’s brother, Dan. He was so not okay with seeing Jenny sucking face with Asher in the middle of school (um, hypocrite much, D? You make out with Serena any chance you get). So when Dan saw something unbelievable he was left with a major moral dilemma. And that unbelievable thing was, OMG, crazy! Dan caught Asher making out with, get this, another GUY! He was beyond shocked. What the hell was his sister’s boyfriend doing not only making out with someone else but making out with a dude? Dan went straight to Asher and told him what he saw. Asher denied it. Must have seen the wrong lacrosse player. Dan told him if he was gay that was fine but he shouldn’t be pretending to like Jenny. Asher was insulted. So insulted that he told Dan that tonight would be the night he would devirginize his little sister. Dan was grossed out and horrified. When Jenny saw her brother in an argument with her boyfriend, she came to the aid of Asher. Jenny told Dan he was just jealous of Asher. The guy had popularity, good looks, and was worldly; everything Dan was lacking. Dan was utterly confused. What was he going to do to get his sister to see through this guy? And that’s where I came in. Hi, Gossip Girl here, nice to meet you. Dan sent me the tip of Asher locking lips with an unknown high school male and doing my civic duty I blasted the info to everyone: “This just in Asher Hornsby spotted locking lips before class, but not with his girlfriend. Looks like gentlemen don’t prefer blondes, Little J. They prefer other gentlemen.” The girls were all shocked (and yes, Penelope and Isabel, I heard your snarky comments about Gossip Girl almost turning into Page Six and finally getting my balls back. I’ll let it slide this time). Was this some kind of joke? Jenny was certain it was just another one of Blair’s horrible lies. Blair told her it wasn’t she who sent the tip though she wished she had. However, Blair knew who the real sender was. When she faced Dan, he was already over it all. He had done his job. So now there was only one person left to get to the bottom of “AsherGate 08”: Blair Waldorf. Uh oh.

Blair was on a mission to finally get an answer to the “is he or isn’t he?” question. I mean, it was one thing for Blair to not get invited to Jenny’s party. That was something she would get over. But if Jenny Humphrey really wanted to rub it into everyone’s faces that she had a boyfriend then Blair needed proof Asher wasn’t a King so she could prove little J wrong. In a covert mission, Blair had Isabel and Nelly Yuki steal Asher’s cell phone. And luckily in today’s technologically savvy world a cell phone is all you need to be able to find out everything you ever needed to know about someone.

With the Asher might be gay rumors swarming around, the girls were becoming a bit weary of the genuineness of Jenny and Asher’s relationship. They were extremely curious as to how far the two had actually gotten. Jenny assured them they’d gone far. The girls were impressed (she told them he got to third). Dirty! Jenny was so on her way to being a slut! But too bad for Jenny, Asher really didn’t want to be a slut with her. When Jenny went over to Asher’s he told her the two of them were just together for appearances sake. She’s Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn. Would a guy like Asher Hornsby actually date someone like Jenny? They had a deal and she needed to keep up with her end of the bargain if she wanted everyone to think she was dating one of the Upper East Side’s most eligible bachelors. Um, can you say beard, much?

Meanwhile things for Serena were not going very well. Serena thought Georgina was back in Switzerland tormenting some random Swiss’ life. Regrettably though, Georgina was still in New York and assuming the identity of “Sarah” who was now BFF with Dan and Vanessa. “Sarah” was playing the role of a newly transplanted hipster from Portland trying to make her way in the big and scary city. And Dan and Vanessa were totally falling for it. When Serena received a zip drive from Georgina, she was in for the surprise of her life. As she began watching it, Serena’s face went white. There were voices in the background and some sounds that shocked even Gossip Girl. Serena quickly turned her computer off (but Gossip Girl wants to know what happened next!!). She buried the flash drive deep in her drawers and went to meet her family for dinner. And guess who happened to be there? Why, Georgina, of course (can’t deny it, G was sly) and Serena was stunned to see her. Georgina invited herself to dinner and let’s just say that was a dinner for the books. It started out fine with Georgina playing all innocent. That soon changed when she dropped the bomb. The gay bomb. Georgina said she saw Eric kissing someone outside of school. And this someone was a boy. Lily and Serena were taken aback. If Eric was kissing a boy that would mean he was…yep, gay. Eric stormed off and Serena went after him. Georgina could ruin Serena’s life but to ruin her family’s life as well was crossing the line.

After her horrible family dinner, all Serena wanted to do was crawl into the arms of her beloved boyfriend, Dan. She went to Brooklyn to see him and girl could not catch a break. Georgina was there. She just kept sneaking up on Serena. But this time Georgina was “Sarah”. Serena was speechless. What the hell was Georgina doing? When Dan left the table, Georgina told her she wanted to be her friend no matter what and this was just a way to get closer to her. Serena didn’t want to be her friend at all. Georgina threatened Serena with the zip drive from before. Wouldn’t Dan love to see his beautiful girlfriend on tape doing god knows what (or rather god knows whom)? Serena relented. After their gathering, Serena confided with Dan that he shouldn’t trust “Sarah”. Dan was confused. Serena had just met this girl. Why was she being so judgmental? Serena told him to please believe her on this one, but what Dan got out of it was that Serena was just jealous. And besides, Dan thought Serena had been acting really weird recently: hanging with Chuck, skipping the SATs, partying, lying. This wasn’t like the usual Serena and Dan was finally beginning to lose his patience with her. And with that, Dan left Serena behind while he went off with Vanessa and “Sarah”.

Over at the social event of the season, things were going just as planned. Jenny was enjoying all the attention she was receiving. It was truly a fabulous party with an even more fabulous hostess. That was until Blair Waldorf crashed it. What the hell was she doing there? She wasn’t invited! Blair walked right up to Asher and gave him back his phone. Asher was confused. Blair told him that she knew all, but it was a good thing that the other person involved in this was actually someone she cared about. And then, newly outted Eric van der Woodsen entered the party (Grab the popcorn and soda and get ready for the good stuff to begin). Eric told everyone that it was he who was kissing Asher that morning. Asher was gay and so was he. Asher called him a liar and the horrible f word. Eric was so disgusted that he told Blair to do the damage. She smiled and sent all of Asher’s personal e-mails and IM conversations from Asher’s cell to yours truly. So now the truth was out: Asher was gay and little Eric van der Woodsen was once his companion. Oh, and also Jenny was a huge, effing liar. The girls immediately turned on her. Dating a gay guy was an honest mistake, but lying about your sex life was unforgivable. The girls were over her. And whose lap did they climb right back into? Blair’s, of course. Looked like Queen B was reigning once again.

A defeated Jenny showed up at Blair’s after the party. She admitted to Blair that she had lost. Blair had won. The game was over. And there would be no rematches because Jenny was done with everything. She had lied, stolen, lost her family’s trust and for what? Blair told her she put up a good fight. For a freshman.

And then one of the craziest things to ever happen in the world of our Upper East Siders occurred. Serena showed up to Blair’s completely devastated. She was hysterically crying and was hardly making any sense. Though, she was able to get out the eerily scary words of: “I killed someone.” Um….Can I get a WTF?!? I’m so confused. And so desperate for more! Who the hell did Serena kill? What the hell is going on? OMFG. I’ll be biting my nails until I find out the deats (I’m gonna need a really good manicure after this). If you need me, I’ll be eagerly waiting for the answer like the rest of you.

xo xo Gossip Girl | 159 Comments »

If you answered C, Georgina Sparks, from the previous blog then you are correct. We were all surprised to see Georgina back in New York. But no one was more surprised than Serena. Seems like these two have a history. One that Serena does not want to revisit. Georgina’s return could not be more ill timed too; Serena was really working hard to get back on track and the SAT was going to be her time to shine. All she wanted to do was to put all the negative things she had done in the past behind her and work to a new beginning. Georgina had other plans for Serena. She wanted to party. Serena finally gave in to Georgina’s pleas and agreed to one drink. But of course, that drink turned into multiple drinks and soon Serena was drunk. We love drunk Serena! (but of course, we all should drink responsibly!) She and Georgina even brought out the aliases they created a long time ago: Savannah and Svetlana. Just like the old days. Serena seemed to be actually having fun. That was until Georgina received a call from her drug dealer. Serena was way turned off. She wasn’t a drug user and if Georgina still did that stuff then she really didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Serena called the one person who could help her in this situation. No, not Dan, though you’d think since the two are so madly in love he’d be the obvious choice but you’d be wrong. She called her soon to be step-monster, I mean step-brother, Chuck. Chuck proved to be a good person to call when you’re too drunk to function (he’s used to dealing with belligerent girls). He even called Dan who was supposed to have a study session with Serena. Chuck fibbed to Dan that Serena had food poisoning. Too bad Serena wasn’t in on the lie because the next day when she told Dan she had a migraine he became concerned. Dan didn’t know what the two were hiding but he was annoyed by their deceit and recognized that something was up.

Georgina begged Serena to see her again. She didn’t mean for the other night to get so out of hand. Georgina was actually impressed with the way Serena had cleaned up her life. Maybe Georgina could do the same. Serena told her she could only meet with her for a little because she had the SAT the next day. Georgina promised it would just be dinner. The two girls met and sure enough all they drank was Diet Coke. Serena and Georgina sat around like two old friends catching up on their lives. Serena filled her in on her mom’s upcoming marriage, her revitalized relationship with Blair and her newish boyfriend Dan. All seemed right. That was until Serena stepped away from the table and Georgina took out a vial full of a mysterious substance. Is that? Could it be? Yes, it was. Georgina roofied Serena’s Diet Coke! The next thing Serena knew she was waking up in a haze in Georgina’s hotel room. She couldn’t remember how she even got there. Georgina refreshed her memory telling her how she switched from Diet Coke to Patron. Serena was confused. And then she remembered, oh crap, she was supposed to be taking the SAT. Serena hurried off as fast as she could. She called Chuck to try to keep the doors open. But Serena was too late. Thinking on his feet, Chuck did the only thing he could do: he hired someone to be Serena. A short redhead showed up at Hunter College with her number two pencils, calculator and an ID saying she was Serena van der Woodsen. It might have even worked if Dan hadn’t been standing right there when the fake Serena presented herself. Dan was beyond confused. Where the hell was his girlfriend?

Dan went straight to see Serena after the test. She told him she wasn’t feeling well and could they please talk later. Dan was upset. What was going on with the girl he loved? Chuck witnessed the Dan-Serena interaction and was bewildered. Why couldn’t Serena just tell Dan about Georgina? What did Georgina have on Serena?

After her little fight with Dan, Serena confronted Georgina and told her the two of them were finished. Serena couldn’t be her friend anymore. She made awful mistakes whenever she hung out with Georgina. Georgina was distressed but agreed. She didn’t want to be friends with anyone who didn’t want her to be in their life. Serena stormed off believing her work was done and that Georgina would stay far away.

All the while, Blair Waldorf was declaring war. Not with Jenny Humphrey. But with Nelly Yuki. Nelly Yuki wanted to go to Yale and Blair was convinced there wouldn’t be two spots for Constance girls. Nelly was at the top of their class, a National Merit scholar, a Peabody scholar and an all-star violinist. She had everything so Blair was determined to find Nelly Yuki’s weakness and use it to take her down. Blair enlisted her army of Isabel, Penelope and Hazel. With some detective work the girls found out that Nelly Yuki had just broken up with her boyfriend. Blair invited Nelly over for a pre-SAT study session complete with massages, manicures, and of course, in Blair Waldorf style, a scheme. While Nelly received a massage her boyfriend Todd Jansen showed up. Nelly was so excited to see him and the two went off to talk. Blair grinned as she prayed her plan would work. The next day at the test, Nelly showed up heartbroken. She and Todd decided they would remain broken up and Nelly was obviously devastated by this result. She couldn’t sleep one wink the previous night and had been crying nonstop. No girl could perform well on the SAT when she’s busied with boy problems. Blair realized she had won the fight and was ecstatic. And thus Yale was even closer to her grasp.

Jenny Humphrey was shut out from the SAT festivities. She was only a freshman and Blair made sure she remembered that. With her friends off studying their brains out Jenny decided there was one thing none of the girls had: a boyfriend. And Jenny was determined to find a king to her queen. With the help of Elise, Jenny found a cute dog walker who was pretty into her. But really, a dog walker? A girl needs royalty not a jester. Jenny’s mind soon changed when she figured out the dog walker was actually the dog owner. His name was Asher Hornsby and he was hot! Asher asked her out on a date and Jenny was elated. Maybe getting a boyfriend wouldn’t be as hard as she thought. But Jenny’s dad quickly put a pin in her plan. Jenny was not allowed to date. She was too young and after going all klepto only a week prior Jenny was grounded. She stomped her feet: So unfair!! But this Asher guy was something different. He showed up at Jenny’s apartment (omg he went all the way to Dumbo, + 100 points for him!) and brought the date to her. Swoon! Teach us your boy snagging secrets, little J!

And over in Brooklyn, one of the weirdest things to ever happen like in the entire world was taking place. Nate came all the way to Communi-tea to drop off his old SAT books to Dan. He had taken the test already and didn’t need $500 worth of study books anymore. While Dan was grateful, Vanessa thought Nate was treating Dan like a charity case. Who was this Upper East Side rich (and pretty) boy to come down to Brooklyn to give Dan his leftovers? Vanessa was enraged. But that’s not the weird part! It gets even crazier. Vanessa found one of Nate’s practice essays in a SAT book and read it. It was actually good and it let her in on a whole other side to Nate Archibald. The two met for coffee to talk which lead to, gasp, a real date. They even shared a kiss on the steps of Communi-tea! It was actually a very hot kiss for such a totally unexpected couple.

Vanessa was set on not taking the SAT. Since everyone in her family was an artist no one had ever gone to college. And because Vanessa wanted to be a filmmaker, what was the point of the SAT? But Nate urged her to reconsider and she did. Vanessa, like all the other kids in NYC, went to Hunter College and took the SAT. So mainstream for such an alternative girl. And the happy couple (omg are they a couple now?!) got into Nate’s limo after the test and drove off into the sunset (or just the 2pm sky). Guess people can change with some nudging. Welcome to our world, V.

And finally, when we all thought Georgina Sparks was out of our lives for good we were suddenly thrown a bombshell. Unbeknownst to Serena, Georgina went straight to, omg I can’t effing believe it, Dan!? And she told him her name was “Sarah”. ?????? What the hell is this girl doing? I’m so confused. And kind of a little scared. God knows what Georgina has planned.

What the hell is wrong with this world? Jenny “the freshman from Brooklyn” Humphrey has a hot boyfriend from Unity? Vanessa “the filmmaking hipster” Abrams is kissing Nate “the king of the Upper East Side” Archibald? Serena “the once wild child now reformed” van der Woodsen is too scared to tell Dan “the most understanding boyfriend” Humphrey the truth? And is therefore turning to Chuck “the horny devil” Bass for help? My head is spinning. I’m so perplexed. Well, we will have to wait and see what happens next. Seems like anything is possible and I can’t wait to see what develops.

xo xo Gossip Girl | 88 Comments »

Once upon a time in a magical land on a sparkling street called 5th Ave lived a beautiful girl. She had a wonderful boyfriend who she adored and a loyal group of friends who would do anything for her. Everyone wanted to be her friend, or at least wanted her to not hate them. She had it all. That is, until scandal struck and she was left with nothing. And who could this fallen princess be? Why, none other than our very own Blair Waldorf! Oh, poor Blair. It really was a shame if you ask me. Blair knew the rules of how to play the Upper East Side game (I mean, come on she pretty much invented them). But then Blair broke the rules, fully aware of the repercussions. Blair played with fire and boy, did she get burned. And not just like a little burn mark from a hair straightener but like crazy burn unit victim who was stuck in a fire on the top of the Chrysler Building. With Spring Break ending, it was time for Blair to face the world. She couldn’t just hang out with Dorota and watch Celebrity Rehab all day (though she and Dorota were heavily invested. They were both pulling for Jeff Conaway to get his act together). With the help of her still faithful BFF Serena, Blair decided to finally wash her hair and get out of bed. Leaving the chocolates in the sheets the girls made their way to Constance to face all those who had turned their backs on Blair. Too bad, that was a better idea in theory than in practice. When they arrived at school, Blair was greeted with awkward stares and tons of whispers. And then standing there in the flesh was her one time protégé, little Jenny Humphrey. She was surrounded by Blair’s former group: Isabel, Penelope, Hazel and newbie Elise. As Blair made her way into school, a spoonful of airborne yogurt came flying at her head. It landed right on her bangs and looked like, well frankly, that a pigeon detested her. Where did the yogurt come from? Oh, we all know there’s only one group at Constance who lived off Yoplait. And with that, Blair rushed into the school, her reality far worse than her nightmares.

Always the optimist, Serena wasn’t finished with trying to get Blair back together with her old friends. While sitting on the steps of the Met, Jenny approached Blair and Serena. Serena urged Blair to be nice to her. This could be her chance to make everything right. And surprisingly, that seemed to be just what Jenny was doing. She invited Blair to join them at Butter that night. Serena accepted the invitation on Blair’s behalf and told Jenny she’d be there. Blair was actually kind of excited. Maybe taking over her reign would happen quicker than she thought.

But unfortunately for you Blair, you did a really good job teaching Jenny how to be a bitch. Like a really good job. Blair showed up all decked out at Butter and to her chagrin she was stood up. Blair didn’t start a hissy fight in the middle of the bar. Rather, she acted calm and cool and kept ordering more drinks. Blair Waldorf was not going to be played the fool. She was going to do what she knew best: get revenge. The bitch was back.

Blair had a few things planned up her Chanel blouse sleeve. For starters, it was Jenny’s 15th birthday and Blair wanted to make it a birthday she would never forget. She traveled all the way down to Brooklyn (she really was on a mission) and went to give Jenny’s dad, Rufus, some tips on how to make this the best birthday Jenny has ever had. Luckily for Blair (unluckily for Jenny), Rufus fell for Blair’s act and Jenny was in for the surprise of her life.

Little Jenny was having a few problems of her own. Being part of the Upper East Side world was a bit overwhelming. She wasn’t like the other girls. Jenny didn’t have a credit card and her dad didn’t give her an abundant flow of cash at her disposal. Sadly for Jenny, those girls lived it up. Fancy breakfasts at Peacock Alley, happy hours at Bemelman’s Bar, partying at Socialista, shopping at Barney’s, this was something Jenny was not used to. And she was struggling to survive. But like I said, Blair taught her well and little J was resourceful. To make money, Jenny decided to pawn all of her stuff, including her beloved sewing machine. Seemed like Jenny was trading in being the next Christian Siriano for being the next Tinsley Mortimer. So not fierce.

When Jenny finally ran out of things to pawn she resorted to desperate measures. Jenny stole a dress from Hazel’s mom’s closet and hocked it. In her defense, girls on the Upper East Side never wear anything more than once. What’s one little dress in the scheme of like a billion? Well, unfortunately for Jenny she chose the wrong dress to mess with. She didn’t realize that the dress wasn’t just some random ensemble from Bendel’s. It was a custom made Valentino. Price tag: a whole lot of Girl Scout cookies! Hazel’s mom was flipping out and threatening to fire the housekeeper who she thought stole it. Jenny pleaded with the consignment shop owner to give the dress back to her but failed. There was only one person Jenny could call that might be able to help her out in this unfortunate situation: Nate. But when Nate asked too many questions, Jenny hung up and decided to take actions into her own hands. Acting out of pure social insanity, Jenny tried the dress on in the consignment store’s dressing room, put a big coat over it and walked out of the store. She didn’t come this far to be so close to losing it all.

With the big coat around her and her dignity dwindling, Jenny returned to her Brooklyn loft where SURPRISE! all of her friends (including Blair) and dad were waiting for her. The party was complete with a cake with Jenny’s face on it and balloons and streamers. This was the 15th birthday party Jenny had always dreamed of, well according to Blair. All it was missing was a magician and pony rides to make it a birthday fit for a seven year old. Jenny was truly embarrassed. Not only were all of her cool friends at her shabby chic apartment in Brooklyn with her dad but she was also wearing Hazel’s mom’s dress. Jenny covered herself up and ran to her room. As she tried to get the dress off as quick as humanly possible, her dad came in, taken aback to see her in such a nice dress. Jenny didn’t want to explain she just needed the dress off. Unfortunately, the girls at the party were getting restless. This was like the lamest party they’d ever been to. Even a hot dad couldn’t save it. The girls went to Jenny’s room to get their coats to leave where SURPRISE! (again) Jenny was standing in Hazel’s mom’s dress. Busted. They were shocked beyond belief as they scowled at Jenny. But you know who wasn’t frowning? Blair, of course. She was smiling. This was even better than she had planned. As she saw that her work had been done and she had pretty much ruined Jenny’s reputation with the girls, Blair grabbed her coat and was off. But before she left she told everyone she was going to Butter for an after party. And really who could say no to that? The girls left an extremely upset and ridiculed Jenny and went off to party. Seemed like Blair was reenlisting her army and finally, all was right with the world.

Blair was enjoying her reclaimed glory with the girls at Butter. It was just like old times. Well that is until all of a sudden, out of nowhere, guess who showed up? Jenny! With Nate Archibald! After being grounded by her dad for stealing a dress not once but twice, Jenny snuck out of her house (bad girl!). Jenny went over to Nate’s and apologized for calling him to ask for 8,000 bucks. She said there was one thing he could do for her that wouldn’t have anything to do with borrowing money. Turns out, Penelope has had like a historic crush on Nate since the 20th century. Jenny brought Nate to the table and introduced him to Penelope. That was all she needed to forgive Jenny for stealing the dress. Hazel was way impressed too. Her mother must have forgotten she had given the dress away. And with that little J was off the hook. Jenny took her seat at the table as Penelope fawned over Nate (and omg did he look so effing hot!) When Blair saw Jenny sitting in her seat at her table, she was livid. Tonight really was a night full of surprises. Blair and Jenny stared each other down and Blair realized that the game wasn’t over just quite yet. Ding ding. Round 2 coming up.

All the while things weren’t going that well for Serena. With her mother’s impending marriage to Chuck’s father, she was finding her life being completely uprooted. The van der Woodsens moved in with the Bass’ and this meant Serena and Chuck were sharing a bathroom (um gross). Chuck wanted to get to know his sister better, but she was revolted. However, little Eric was actually enjoying having a big brother. He and Chuck started spending a lot of time together and Eric even got his very own scarf, natch. Serena thought Chuck was out to get her. Not only did he get her little brother to be his lackey, but strange gifts started arriving too and Serena was sure Chuck was behind it all. The first gift was received while the van der Woodsens and Bass’ (and Dan) were eating dinner. Serena opened it at the table and was shocked beyond belief to find sexy lingerie, handcuffs and ew porn. Serena was mortified. It only got worse when at school Serena was greeted by two cases of Cliquot Champagne. But the tipping point was when Eric gave Serena a package that Chuck had said arrived earlier that day. When Serena opened it up she found a bag of cocaine. This put Serena over the edge. Not only was Chuck trying to destroy her life but he was also using her little brother as a drug mule. He had crossed the line. Serena stormed to Chuck’s room to confront him and to Serena’s surprise, Chuck was packing up his stuff. Bart kicked him out because of his alleged defaming antics towards Serena. Bart thought the van der Woodsen/Bass family might be better off without Chuck for a while. Serena was shocked and maybe even saddened by that. But her shock grew even more when she received a note after Chuck had already moved out. It read: “Hope you liked my presents. Coming back to town, <3 G”. Serena went to see Chuck and showed him the letter. She knew it wasn’t he who had sent her all those things. And from the look on their faces this seemed way serious.

Now we’re all left to wonder: who the hell is G? Gary the limo driver? Greta the foreign exchange student? Gopal the cashier at the Indian market? Ugh the suspense is killing me! I cannot wait to find out who this mysterious G person is and what kind of tricks they have planned. I’m as curious as you all are. I have a feeling this G person can only mean trouble and for that I cannot wait to see what is in store.

xo xo Gossip Girl | 66 Comments »